Walls & Toomey

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When parents separate children are always upset, even if they are not surprised. Parents need to understand this. Each child in the family is different and will cope in different ways with the emotions they are feeling, confusion, anger, sadness, depending on their age and understanding.

Research has shown that the manner in which parents deal with their separation/divorce can have a significant impact on how their children cope. It is the on-going conflict that negatively affects children. So the good news is there are things parents can do to help their children through the process. There are now a lot of books and websites that can help.

Try www.relationshipsireland.com or www.resolution.org.uk.

There are a few good books. “When Parents separate: helping your children cope” by John Sharry and others (Veritas) and “Living with separation & divorce” by Fiona McAuslan and Peter Nicholson.

And here are some tips…

  • Sort out new parenting arrangements quickly and that suit the children first.
  • Tell your children you love them and keep reassuring them.
  • The parent with primary care must facilitate access for the other parent
  • Don’t row in front of the children especially at hand-over times.
  • Don’t ask your children to take sides. They love you both.